you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
