I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
