Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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