I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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