Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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