Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
