just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
