i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
