Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
