why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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