somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
