how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
