I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
