remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
