whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
