we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
