Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
