We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
