Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
