I wish my penis had an off switch
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
