Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
