He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
