I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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