My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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