A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
