she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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