thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
