Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i've created a new STD.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
