well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
