update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
