My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
