Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
