Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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