dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
