Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
