Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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