i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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