Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
