Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
