I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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