thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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