Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
