Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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