and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Randomize
