if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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