Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
