i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
