I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
