I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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