I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
