we're chasing vodka with high fives
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I party with great urgency now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
