k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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