The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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