Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Oh god it's open bar.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
